I am feeling so frustrated with myself today, urgh. After so many years of trying to lose weight, one would think that I should have it down by this point. I should know the principles; I should be sick and tired of being fat and feeling it. And yet, here I sit – my belly too fat to fit in my jeans so it is uncomfortably hanging over the top (I know, not a pretty picture). I am bloated, feeling like a slug and yet – did that stop me today from indulging in a piece of chocolate… no, it did not. And so now one of my most frustrating struggles is figuring out why I continue to eat when it is not something I want to do and to top it off, I can consciously recognize when I am eating and shouldn’t be and yet still cannot stop myself. Last night for example, I made a big pot of homemade beef stew out of leftover pot roast and I tore it up. I mean I had two and a half bowls even though I was full after the first. Now, common practice would be for me to ask myself how I was feeling… as if this feeling is what made me continue to eat. I was feeling just fine; not too sad, wasn’t feeling stressed I was actually feeling pretty good. I had a good day at work, got home and took a walk with my husband and son and then made the stew. And I enjoyed the stew – as a matter of fact I really enjoyed the stew. The only I ended up feeling was guilty about the fact that I had eaten too much. I just don’t know what to do. I don’t know what is wrong with me. I know I weigh an incredible amount – when I weighed in for our company program I weighed as much as I did when I was full term with my son. I am disgusted with myself but not enough so to do something about it. I have the best of intentions and yet it is getting me nowhere.
The fact that this situation doesn’t make sense to me pisses me off. I am a smart woman, two college degrees and I can handle practically any and everything but am unable to handle myself. And it is simple; eat a certain number of calories and try to move every day and yet I am stuck. The worst part is I have let myself get to this point and now I don’t have the energy to get myself out of it. I like to go to the gym; I like going for walks and I like all food which includes healthy food and yet here I sit.
I am going to look online right now to see if there is anything there that will help trigger my motivation… get me going so to speak. Give me hope – I think there is a part of me that wants to succeed and another part of me that doesn’t think I can, that gets in the way.
I am just incredibly frustrated right now.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment