Not a Quitter!

I was reading another motivational spark page again this morning and the girl, Feathergirl to be exact, was talking about how much she missed the happy her who she could still see in pictures… sound familiar?!? I guess I am not the only one. I get depressed when I think about the person I was during college – how much fun I had and just how comfortable I was with myself. I wasn’t skinny but I certainly wasn’t incredibly heavy and the best part was I was healthy and active and had plenty of energy. Now I no more than a bump on a log and it frustrates me. I know how Feathergirl feels… I look at pictures of myself from the end of college and when I first started dating my husband and I have a healthy glow and a twinkle in my eyes that aren’t there now. And the worst part, my struggle with my own insecurities and self image… something I haven’t experienced since I first went to college. And it SUCKS. I hate when I hear about people who are doing this or doing that and it makes me tired just to hear about it and all I want to do is take my lazy butt home and sit on the couch. Probably why I feel such a sense of accomplishment when I get out for a walk with my son cause it means I am not just sitting on my fat ass watching I could care less about on TV.

Tonight, walking with my son… there is a Lifetime movie on at 8pm that I want to watch which is even more motivation for me to get out on my walk ahead of time. And while I am watching the movie, I have full intentions of bringing out my resistance bands and attempting some toning…

The reason for my title for this entry (duh, I almost forgot all about it): Feathergirl also stated she wasn’t a quitter and neither am I. I have never quit at anything… not track in high school even though there were days I desperately wanted to; same with my last job; not school and that was thru six years of college and two degrees but it seems like I keep quitting with me. How could I let this happen? When did I decide I wasn’t important enough to stick to? To make sure I was the best me I could be and the healthiest, fittest and so on. Somewhere I quit; I gave up on myself and haven’t found the determination to put the time and effort into me that I have put into so many other things. Ugh, that makes me sick to my stomach just writing it.

Am I coming to an epiphany? Stay tuned and we shall see.