Spring Motivation...

So I know it has been a while since I have posted anything – I have no excuse for that as I haven’t been so busy… scratch that, I actually have been incredibly busy. But still, I didn’t make the time to write an entry and I could have… it has been the same story with everything else in my life. I definitely have a lot on my plate but still need to make a conscience effort to put me first and that doesn’t mean taking extra time to sit on the couch and put my feet up. I got my period yesterday morning so I know I am not pregnant, that said, I have another month where I need to concentrate on putting myself first and that includes food and working out. On a high note, I got on the scale and lost 4 pounds so I weighed in at 274 (which also means I had gotten back up to 278)! And the best part about this is it was the first day of my period which means I usually weigh 5 pounds more. I was pretty pumped… enough to be conscious of the food choices I was making yesterday and enough to be so excited about it that I went walking and played with my son at the park.

I have had a lot of things going on at work but more in my personal life and it has been difficult for me to deal with. I am continually thinking about my personal situation and stressing about it and I know that is not good for me and certainly not helping the situation. I have said it before and am hoping that this time I mean it but I need to take care of me and get myself healthy. I cannot nag my husband about his bad habits and bad choices if I continually feed my face and sit around the house, can I? I want to be a better example for my son and if I were to end up pregnant, I want to know that it is going to be a healthy pregnancy because I was making healthy choices before it happened.

I have three weeks left in the month of May and would like to be at 269 or lower by the end of the month. I know 5 pounds doesn’t seem like a lot but I don’t remember being that number in a long time so that’s my goal – five pounds isn’t easy for me apparently. I already have plans to workout, most likely with a video, tonight as it is just me and my son and then maybe getting up early tomorrow morning to start a morning workout regimen. If I keep putting it off until evening it doesn’t seem to be something I am getting to. Plus with it being spring and all and the weather being so nice I can’t help but get up, enjoy the sun coming up and wanting to accomplish something!

Overall, and I am sure I have said this before, I need to feel good about myself. I am tired of trying so hard for other people and getting nothing out of it. I am a confident person outside but struggle with the person I am on the inside and that is not a good mix – I feel fake. I like the cliché of I am sick and tired of feeling sick and tired because it is the God’s honest truth. I don’t have the energy to do the things I want to do and I know it is affecting how I spend time with my son, how I spend time with my husband and friends and how I feel about myself and it is not fair to anyone. I am hoping through my own self motivation and prayer that I can fight this battle until I either end up pregnant or skinny!